Anxiety, uncertainty and the unknown

At the time of the first lockdown the state of play in the NPL Mens competition varied to that of those about to commence the 2020 season.

This quote from Yitay Towns sums up the common feeling amongst everyone I have spoken to about the sudden nature of the lockdown. The decision to cancel play came on the morning of Avondale’s round 6 match up against Bentleigh. 

‘I didn't know how to process it I guess, That nothingness before a game.’

Five rounds had already been completed and the rapid move into lockdown for the NPL Mens competition has had a devastating effect on those involved. The season was shaping up to have some interesting narratives and we were very much looking at another exciting journey to the finals. The on again, off again nature of the season has meant that the structure of some squads has had to remain fluid with some clubs withdrawing from the competition and some players no longer being available to play. 

The level of change to our daily life has meant that not only are we adjusting to spending everyday at home but that our home would transform from being our sanctuary, to becoming your office, your gym and your meeting place (all be it through zoom and it’s variants). 

The lockdowns have had a dramatic affect on the lives of those players in the NPL who are now in a limbo. This must be agonising. How does one balance work and personal life during a pandemic? When reflecting back on the first lockdown South Melbourne Captain Brad Norton recalls ‘It was a crazy time to say the least. The last memory of that weekend was myself headering a goal against Altona. So that's always a good start. But then the next minute you’re finding out that the league was immediately postponed. For myself, it was concerns about the unknown more than anything. You’re thinking about your work life, everything that's going on in your personal life, you're thinking about soccer, you're thinking about all these different things, and the unsettled country. Not sure what's going happen. It's just a crazy sort of thought. So for me it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster ride, especially at the start.’

Perhaps the greatest challenge for Brad during the uncertainty of the lockdown was not only losing the ability to play a sport he loves but to then have his partner stood down at her work and then finding himself in the unenviable position where as the manager he was required to stand down staff at his place of employment.

As Brad explains

‘it wasn't easy to go through that to have those conversations with individuals. I tried to do it on an individual basis. Whereas I know it was easier to do it as a group and stand down a whole group of people. But it’s unfair to to do it that way. I had part time staff in their 60-70’s how do you have that conversation.

It was the hardest thing I would ever have imagined doing it in my lifetime. I didn't even know these things existed. That it would ever happen. I remember walking with my partner one day as the impact of COVID-19 was being felt around the world, Italy and Europe were going into a hard lockdown and no one could leave their house other than to do essential things. I was like, that can’t happen here and then all of a sudden we were getting told that's the only thing we're allowed to do. It was definitely something that I never thought was gonna happen. But you know, I think we've gone through that we’re going through what we go through now, the world that is. If we can get through this. Geez, we can get through anything.’

Stefan Valentini and Yitay Towns from Avondale were affected by the lockdown in contrasting ways. Stefan Valentini almost immediately lost one of his jobs. This was then followed by his one on one group coaching sessions being cancelled due to heightened regulations. Valentini recalls how he was feeling at the time  ‘not having football, not having work is mentally pretty draining. It’s real hard. It’s not easy to keep as well motivated for a potential season to come back and you don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s a shock in a way it really is.’

Yitay Towns’ COVID-19 experience is a contrast to his team mate. For Yitay work was the one element that remained constant ‘I never really stopped working, I’m a plumber. I still had to go to jobs, do our work come home and I wouldn’t have training to go to. I think for the first couple of weeks it felt like a bit of refreshment for me anyway. I’d go home after work, just be able to relax, watch some TV and play some FIFA. But then a couple of weeks of not being able to go to training and not playing games I sort of got into a bit of a grind and waiting on it to come back. All your motivation just disappears when you don’t have a timeframe of when you’re getting back which was really tough.’

The unknown and sudden nature of the lockdown meant that for players who have family interstate like Valentini and Towns the desire to return home to see his family was compelling. Sadly the practicalities got in the way. As Yitay recalls:-

‘I did want to go home in the first couple of weeks to see everyone before it got too hectic to go anywhere. But then they closed the borders straight away and imposed the quarantine for two weeks. So, it wasn’t worth taking another month off work that pretty much put a stop to me visiting family. Hopefully it will open up soon and I can visit the family.

It’s easy to forget that a number of people playing in the NPL move cities for the opportunity to further their experience and exposure. This often comes at the cost of family and friends. So, imagine the onset of a pandemic and all of a sudden not knowing when you will be seeing family is part of the great unknown we now live with. Stefan Valentini considered returning to Western Australia to quickly visit his family but soon realised that the risk of not being able to return in time for the recommencement of the league was too great. The impact of the lockdown was being felt everywhere.

As I spoke with more people it has become clear that football is not only a game they play because they enjoy it but it is also one of the tools that some of them use as a release from their everyday lives. It is an integral part of who they are.

For players who had sustained an injury the lockdown was very much an opportune time to get the body right. After experiencing a round five shoulder injury in his match against Melbourne Knights Stefan Zinni of Avondale had a shoulder reconstruction. ‘So it kept me occupied for the next six weeks or so and it kept me bed ridden. Just doing the rehab has kept me occupied. Besides that it’s been pretty boring to be honest’. Stefan continues ‘Luckily enough I was able to see the physio, but obviously there were strict rules about checking temperature and hygiene. But I was lucky enough to have my physio look after me each week. But yeah it’s been tough on me to not have a gym for my rehab and not having access to that equipment. It makes it a bit difficult doing at home but never the less we’ll get there in the end hopefully.’

At the time I interviewed Stefan Valentini, Yitay Towns and Stefan Zinni it was shortly after restrictions had been lifted so it was an interesting time to even be meeting as a group. Throughout this and other interviews the mention of the camaraderie has been a constant theme. It’s such an integral part of team sports.

Other than focusing on trying to keep fit and match ready the reflections on the impact of some of the restrictions on the everyday routine are very relatable. Stefan Valentini reflected that the experience of isolation was ‘hard, us boys are very close and usually catching up, going to cafes on the weekend. On a Sunday morning we go to a cafe, play cards and everything. To not have that, to not see each other face to face its hard. Sure you can communicate over messenger but it’s not the same is it? And when something is stopping you from doing something it makes you want to do it more but it’s hard. It’s real hard.’

I asked the lads whether not having face to face contact ever got them down. To which Yitay Towns reply was immediate ‘yeah for sure. Our team hangs out so much outside of football probably more than with our own family and some of our other friends. It has taken a bit of a toll. You wake up on a Saturday or Sunday morning and first thing you want to do is to see who is available for a coffee or breakfast. I guess in the scheme of things it’s not a huge deal yeah but it still effected us’

On the flipside the suspension of play meant that for Teeboy Kamara from Green Gully SC his expected round six return from a pre-season injury has been delayed until the resumption of competition. He was very much looking forward to finally getting back on the park and starting his season. ‘So for me, I started realising how surreal everything was. I started to realise that I may not play football at all this year. Everything starts going through your head, what job will I need to look for what study or work can I do. It was both mentally and physically demanding.’ For Teeboy, the impact of COVID-19 didn’t seem ‘real’ until the lockdown was enforced. As the isolation orders came into force and we were encourage to stay at home and isolate, he found the lack of contact with people other than his housemates made the first couple of weeks very difficult and mentally taxing.

The stories of the lockdown and the impact of the isolation are complex. Little did 2019 NPL Premiership Bentleigh Greens player Matthew Crooks or Crooksie as he likes to be known realise that the round five loss to Hume City would be his last match for an undefined period. For Crooksie entering the lockdown and without the opportunity to get redemption for the loss has left him and the team with a hollow feeling. ‘I think most of the boys were pretty gutted to be honest. We lost that game and the boys were firing at training to come back out. And then we were going to come back to training and then Tolsie (Nick Tolios - Bentleigh Coach) said don’t put your boots on boys were not going to train today. We didn’t train. We found out corona virus had spread and got worse especially here in Australia and then it and the season were put on hold. When we found out the season wasn’t going ahead it was a bit of a shock to some of us boys because you wouldn’t think things would get so bad, but it did. So it was pretty unfortunate.’

It was not until the following weekend that it sunk in ‘that it's game day today.  To be honest it was a bit like oh we’re not playing this week, it’s a big gap in your life. You come back home from work, you think you can go to training, see the boys, have a bit of banter with them, but you couldn’t. When that Saturday came round you’re thinking it’s game day today but you don’t have that regime anymore. It was a bit like a hole it was literally you’ve  got something missing…’

As time passed and efforts. to re-start the 2020 season started to form. Bentleigh Greens decided to not resume the season. This further complicated lockdown for people involved with the club.

For Crooksie, it was unexpected. He recalls the way he felt.

‘I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t annoyed. I’m being brutally honest. It was annoying. But you look at it and you’ve got to take yourself out of it and look at it from the view of the coach’s or the board. It must have been stressful for them. It annoyed me, but at the same time I wanted to play, the boys wanted to play. It was frustrating but I understand why they did it. It annoyed me, I wasn’t happy when they pulled the pin. I wanted to play football this year. It was frustrating. It was what it was, you can’t change it and you can’t go to the board and say why did you do that. They call the shots we are the players. We just play it’s a simple as that and when it happened it was a shock.

As I spoke with more people it has become clear to me that football is not only a game they play for enjoyment but it is one of the tools they use to as a release from their everyday lives. It’s an integral part of who they are and how they cope with the pressure of everyday life. These themes will be explored further in future chapters.

The cancellation of sport has meant that for people who participate in organised sport whether it be semi-professional or leisure the uncertainty of participation has become the narrative for 2020. As time has passed a number of competitions have completely pulled the pin on the 2020 season. I imagine that at some time choices will need to be made about the viability of the whole season in line with community expectations. For the clubs who have already commenced the season the uncertainty of the competition has already seen the Bentleigh Greens withdraw from the top flight NPL prior to the second lockdown.

Note: At the time of launching this series we had just entered our second lockdown and confirmation was received on July 13, 2020 that the competition was cancelled for 2020. I will follow the impact of this later in the series.